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Jun
14

InspoFab: Silence is the Answer

  • Posted By : J. Carter, Esq./
  • 0 comments /
  • Under : INSPIRATION

You’ve worked months or even years on a project, business, or deal and you finally see the fruits of your labor. Suddenly you are acknowledged for your success and it’s eerily quiet. Sure you may get a few likes on social media and immediate congratulations from your family. But there will noticeably be some friends and colleagues that will not even acknowledge your accomplishments.

This silence will at first offend you, anger you or even make you sad. But here’s why it shouldn’t:

  • They are envious. It’s not uncommon that they are jealous that they can never achieve your level of success and that they wish they could achieve it.
  • They really are your competitors. Sometimes we mistake friends for “frienemies”. Sometimes people pretend to be our friends to benefit from what we have but are ready to surpass or take us down the minute it becomes convenient to raise their stature.
  • They compare their success to yours. Some “friends” are ok with you succeeding in your personal or professional life as long as you are not surpassing them. Classic crab in the barrel mentality.

So the next time you achieve something, don’t wait for the applause. Instead expect the crickets. And let that silence be your answer on whose really “rooting for you”.


Apr
09

InspoFab: Spring into YES!

  • Posted By : admin/
  • 0 comments /
  • Under : INSPIRATION

Congratulations! You made it to APRIL.  That means you have made it through 1/3 of the year!  But have you been existing up to this point or LIVING?

Spring symbolizes “new life”.  In that vain, here are some tips to breathe new life into all aspects of your life.

  1.  Clean your house.  According to Psychology Today, researchers have found a connection between a clean house and our mental well-being.  A clean house can help you eat better, be more productive, improve sleep and fight illnesses.
  2. Review your resume.  There’s no time like the present to look for the next dream job.  Confused on where to start?  Check out our Resume Review and Resume Kit Design Services to help you stand out to your next employer.
  3.  Get rid of old relationships that are not ADDING to your life.  There’s an old saying that you can do bad by yourself.  Listen to this.  After 25, friendships and romantic relationships should be beyond social.  Your inner circle should be contributing to you mentally, emotionally, financially or professionally.  If someone in your life is not contributing to you in one of these categories chances are they are DRAINING you.  I have another saying.  I am going to the next level in my life and everybody can’t come with me!
  4. Launch that million dollar business idea (FINALLY!). Have you been procrastinating on launching your business?  Well the journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step.  Select our LLC course in our digital store that will teach you how to file your business online alongside a real lawyer! Are you a creative? Check out our blog, podcast and reality show courses here.
  5. Get a new wardrobe.  Put those winter clothes away and get ready for skirts, dresses and open toe shoes!  Legallyfab.com has a limited collection put together for you every month.  Check out the shop!

Jan
07

Inspofab: A New Years Plan vs. A New Years Resolution

  • Posted By : admin/
  • 0 comments /
  • Under : INSPIRATION

We are one week in 2018.  How are your New Years Resolutions going?  Statistically half of all resolutions fail.  Read on to make sure you do not become a statistic!

Your resolution may be wrong for one of the following three reasons:

  • It’s a resolution created based on what someone else (or society) is telling you to change.
  • It’s too vague.
  • You don’t have a realistic plan for achieving your resolution.

Goal is another word for Resolution.  Your goals should have a PLAN and be SMART. That’s an acronym coined in the journal Management Review in 1981 for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound. It may work for management, but it can also apply to your resolutions, too.

  • Specific. Your goal should be absolutely clear. “Making a concrete goal is really important rather than just vaguely saying ‘I want to lose weight.’ You want to have a goal: How much weight do you want to lose and at what time interval?” said Katherine L. Milkman, an associate professor of operations information and decisions at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.
  • Measurable. This may seem obvious if your goal is a fitness or weight loss related one, but it’s also important if you’re trying to cut back on something, too. If, for example, you want to grow your hair.  Take pictures of your hair at the beginning and throughout the year so you can really SEE the progress. Tracking you progress into a journal or making notes on your phone or in an app designed to help you track behaviors can reinforce the progress, no matter what your resolution may be.
  • Achievable. Now this doesn’t mean that you can’t have big goals. However, trying to take too big a step too fast can leave you frustrated and likely lead to you failing.  So, for example, resolving to save enough money to retire in five years when you’re 40 years old is probably not realistic, but saving an extra $100 a month may be.
  • Relevant. Is this a goal that really matters to you, and are you making it for the right reasons? “If you do it out of the sense of self-hate or remorse or a strong passion in that moment, it doesn’t usually last long,” said Dr. Michael Bennett, a psychiatrist and co-author of two self-help books. Also if you are doing something because of family or societal pressures that also may not be the best thing for you.  For example, are you trying to get married because society says you should be married by 30 and so you are willing to just settle for the next guy to come along?  In the short term, you may meet your goal but on other hand spend a life time of misery with the wrong person.
  • Time-bound. Create a realistic timeline and plan toward reaching your goal. That means giving yourself enough time to do complete your goal and setting intermediate smaller goals along the way to give yourself the motivation to keep going.  “Focus on these small wins so you can make gradual progress,” Charles Duhigg, author of “The Power of Habit” and a former New York Times writer, said. “If you’re building a habit, you’re planning for the next decade, not the next couple of months.”

Comment below on your top resolution for this year and how you plan to reach it!  2018 is your year, I can feel it!:)


Nov
12

InspoFab: Set Boundaries and Protect Yourself!

  • Posted By : admin/
  • 2 comments /
  • Under : INSPIRATION

One of the most essential components to creating happy, healthy and fulfilling relationships with friends, family and significant others is to become a master at setting boundaries. Simply put, boundaries are what set the space between where you end and the other person begins.

Unfortunately, it’s a skill that many of us don’t learn, according to psychologist and coach Dana Gionta, Ph.D. We might pick up pointers here and there from experience or through watching others. But for many of us, boundary-building is a relatively new concept and a challenging one. Often if we have had a parent, guardian or other person in our life during childhood who didn’t know how to set boundaries with us then we have to learn how to set boundaries in relationships. We have to learn when it is the proper time to set a boundary and how to find a balance in setting boundaries so they are not too weak or too strong.

Here are basic steps from Dr.Gionta to begin setting boundaries in your relationships:

1. Name your limits.

You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where you stand. So identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual limits, Gionta said. Consider what you can tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed. “Those feelings help us identify what our limits are.”

2. Tune into your feelings.

Gionta has observed two key feelings in others that are red flags or cues that we’re letting go of our boundaries: discomfort and resentment. She suggested thinking of these feelings on a continuum from one to 10. Six to 10 is in the higher zone, she said.

If you’re at the higher end of this continuum, during an interaction or in a situation, Gionta suggested asking yourself, what is causing that? What is it about this interaction, or the person’s expectation that is bothering me?

Resentment usually “comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.” It’s often a sign that we’re pushing ourselves either beyond our own limits because we feel guilty (and want to be a good daughter or wife, for instance), or someone else is imposing their expectations, views or values on us, she said.

“When someone acts in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a cue to us they may be violating or crossing a boundary,” Gionta said.

3. Be direct.

With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue. Usually, this is the case if people are similar in their communication styles, views, personalities and general approach to life, Gionta said. They’ll “approach each other similarly.”

With others, such as those who have a different personality or cultural background, you’ll need to be more direct about your boundaries. Consider the following example: “one person feels [that] challenging someone’s opinions is a healthy way of communicating,” but to another person this feels disrespectful and tense.

There are other times you might need to be direct. For instance, in a romantic relationship, time can become a boundary issue, Gionta said. Partners might need to talk about how much time they need to maintain their sense of self and how much time to spend together.

4. Give yourself permission.

Fear, guilt and self-doubt are big potential pitfalls, Gionta said. We might fear the other person’s response if we set and enforce our boundaries. We might feel guilty by speaking up or saying no to a family member. Many believe that they should be able to cope with a situation or say yes because they’re a good daughter or son, even though they “feel drained or taken advantage of.” We might wonder if we even deserve to have boundaries in the first place.

Boundaries aren’t just a sign of a healthy relationship; they’re a sign of self-respect. So give yourself the permission to set boundaries and work to preserve them.

5. Practice self-awareness.

Again, boundaries are all about honing in on your feelings and honoring them. If you notice yourself slipping and not sustaining your boundaries, Gionta suggested asking yourself: What’s changed? Consider “What I am doing or [what is] the other person doing?” or “What is the situation eliciting that’s making me resentful or stressed?” Then, mull over your options: “What am I going to do about the situation? What do I have control over?”

6. Consider your past and present.

How you were raised along with your role in your family can become additional obstacles in setting and preserving boundaries. If you held the role of caretaker, you learned to focus on others, letting yourself be drained emotionally or physically, Gionta said. Ignoring your own needs might have become the norm for you.

Also, think about the people you surround yourself with, she said. “Are the relationships reciprocal?” Is there a healthy give and take?

Beyond relationships, your environment might be unhealthy, too. For instance, if your workday is eight hours a day, but your co-workers stay at least 10 to 11, “there’s an implicit expectation to go above and beyond” at work, Gionta said. It can be challenging being the only one or one of a few trying to maintain healthy boundaries, she said. Again, this is where tuning into your feelings and needs and honoring them becomes critical.

7. Make self-care a priority.

Gionta helps her clients make self-care a priority, which also involves giving yourself permission to put yourself first. When we do this, “our need and motivation to set boundaries become stronger,” she said. Self-care also means recognizing the importance of your feelings and honoring them. These feelings serve as “important cues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy.”

Putting yourself first also gives you the “energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there” for them.” And “When we’re in a better place, we can be a better wife, mother, husband, co-worker or friend.”

8. Seek support.

If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, “seek some support, whether [that’s a] support group, church, counseling, coaching or good friends.” With friends or family, you can even make “it a priority with each other to practice setting boundaries together [and] hold each other accountable.”

Consider seeking support through resources, too. Gionta likes the following books: The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time and Boundaries in Marriage (along with several books on boundaries by the same authors).

9. Be assertive.

Of course, we know that it’s not enough to create boundaries; we actually have to follow through. Even though we know intellectually that people aren’t mind readers, we still expect others to know what hurts us, Gionta said. Since they don’t, it’s important to assertively communicate with the other person when they’ve crossed a boundary.

In a respectful way, let the other person know what in particular is bothersome to you and that you can work together to address it, Gionta said.

10. Start small.

Like any new skill, assertively communicating your boundaries takes practice. Gionta suggested starting with a small boundary that isn’t threatening to you, and then incrementally increasing to more challenging boundaries. “Build upon your success, and [at first] try not to take on something that feels overwhelming.”


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